Saturday, May 16, 2009

Guys: Total creep timing is everything

I'll admit it. I didn't heed my own advice. A few months after putting out a 17 chapter 100 page book and a nearly 5 hour Audio Book, " Total Creep - A Guy's Guide ", I missed out on a nice opportunity.

But I will take the opportunity to emphasize to my readers how important timing is to creating the opportunities I write and coach guys on.

Here's what happened, and what I did "wrong". I was walking down a busy street about 15 feet behind a babe wearing a tank top with a sports bra underneath. Her top was too long to allow any possibility of seeing butt crack, but I had not been able to see her in front yet to see if anything was pointing through her sports bra.

It turns out that I was too focused on getting in front of her to check for "pointing", but at the time I thought that was my best chance to see anything good. (She was the only babe worth trying to see anything on within view during the time I was making this walk. Had there been a hot babe with more potential for a good view, I would have pursued that.)

She was carrying a purse along with a couple of packages. As she walked by a ledge adjoining a grassy area along the sidewalk, she stopped and put her packages down on the ledge. It looked as though she wanted to improve her grip or maybe switch hands.

As you know (if you read or listened to my book), this is a snap judgment moment. She was standing in front of where she put the bags, and would need to bend over in my general direction (behind where she was walking) in order to pick up the bags.

For some unknown reason, I anticipated this being a very fast stop. She was walking quickly and with authority, and in this instance, that threw me. If I were a betting man, I would have bet she would have quickly switched hands and kept right on walking.

My split second decision was to keep on walking. Had she done what I anticipated, I would have been about 5 feet away when she leaned back in my direction and given me a good view down her top. And with her wearing a sports bra, as opposed to a regular bra, I should have had the chance to see a lot of boob without breaking stride.

Then I would have passed her, kept walking, and at some point casually turned around in her direction. Since this was outside and I had my sunglasses on, she would not have been able to tell that I would have been checking out her top to see if anything is pointing through the sports bra.

So my instant decision was made to keep walking while she stopped. But I blew it. She stood there for a few seconds, and then leaned over to pick up her bags. The problem was that I was right by her just at the instant she started leaning, and I got a less than one second glance down her top from the side. What a burn! Just as I could see a little ways down her top, enough to tell that I could see into that sports bra, I was past her. I had totally blown what would have turned out to be a great view down her top.

Next, it got even more aggravating. She was leaning over for a few seconds to slowly grip the packages she was carrying. And I had no "excuse" to slow down. By the time she picked up everything she was carrying and turned around to continue walking, I was already too far past her to see anything pointing through her top. It is possible that nothing was pointing through, but I couldn't tell for sure. But I do know she had one fine chest and I missed my chance for a wonderful view, even if most and not all of the way down.

So I'm not 100% on these opportunities. Even after nearly 40 years of trying, and an entire book all about it.

However, I owe it to myself and my readers to review this and be sure I know how to handle this for the next opportunity. I approach this like a football coach, even though I unfortunately can't go back and look at the film. My defensive coordinator screwed up on this play.

Upon further review, here is what I should have done. I actually was ready, as always, for the opportunity this hottie provided me. My cell phone was in my shirt pocket, as always when I am walking outside. But my mistake was trying to get in front of her instead of putting myself in position to be able to stop BEFORE she was ready to bend over.

Like with football, the idea is to visualize what should have happened, for future reference. If and when I have this to do over again, it will go this way (like so many opportunities already have).

As soon as she stopped and turned to put her stuff on that ledge. I should have appeared to get a call or text message and slowed down to a stop while pulling my cell phone out and opening it. With my sunglasses on, she couldn't tell where I was looking (what phone??), but would not be alarmed or threatened because I slowed or stopped near her.

I would then appear to be reading a text message, and put an aggravated look on my face. If she was looking at me, she would believe that I am focused on my phone getting information I didn't like as I look down at the phone. Or so she thinks.

Next, I stop. And wait until she bends over to deal with her purse and packages. In this particular instance, since she was bent over for a few precious seconds, I would have acted like I was pressing buttons on my phone to respond, but really looking down her top the entire time.

In this instance, I would have gotten a few seconds to look, and been close enough at the best angle for a major view of her boobage.

That is what should have happened. I had my sunglasses on and cell phone ready. I just wasn't thinking straight, and it cost me a wonderful view.

It goes to show that as a total creep, we need to be both mentally and physically prepared for such an opportunity.

Normally, I answer questions and comments from readers of " Total Creep - A Guy's Guide ", available at , via at Today, it is my turn.

Then again, today should bring me more opportunities to be a total creep!

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