Thursday, December 3, 2009

A total creep doesn't need technology

This is not the only e-mail I have received about this topic, but this is one that is fine with having his question published, so here goes:

Joe V of WA writes:

"As much as I enjoyed listening to your book and your expertise, your experiences seem to have happened before we had the benefits of today's technology. You don't tell us how we can get video of chicks next store or where to focus the zoom lens when we can see into more than one room at night. I'm sure 20 years ago when all you had were binoculars you were the best. Can you update your book to make it more modern?"

Joe and others, you are missing a key point. The idea is to SEE their body parts whenever possible. It is not to film or photograph them. (Granted, I didn't have an internet with photos and videos of naked babes while growing up and well into my adult life, but to me seeing photos was nowhere near as exciting as seeing the real thing anyway. My book and audio book is to help you to see the real thing.)

Yes, I know there are cell phones with cameras, portable hand-held cameras and videocams with zoom lenses, and advanced surveillance set ups. But using these devices are what get guys of all ages in trouble.

As an aside, let me comment about sexting to help make my point. Normal teen guys are getting arrested for sending topless (or better in some cases) photos of classmates and female friends to each other, with some having to register as sex offenders. While the authorities and most women carry on as if this sort of thing is only happening because of the technology. They have no clue that the "instant camera" device from 30+ years ago enabled guys to get these photos, show them to friends, and (as much as it hurt) destroy or hide them. It is because these photos today can be seen and traced to cell phones and computers that teens are getting caught with evidence.

Look at the number of stories about guys getting arrested with video cams looking up skirts, in bathrooms, and holding them up to windows and the like. These devices provide others with evidence to convict them and potentially ruin their lives.

I completely understand the temptations of today's technology. It would be nice to have a video of the babe next door coming out of the shower so you wouldn't have to spend time huddled in a dark room peeking through your blinds on weeknights. I get it. However, I also understand that if I were to have such a tape in my home, there is that chance that somebody could find it and then I would be in serious trouble.

Am I getting through?

A set of powerful binoculars is all I need at home, and the naked eye (pardon the pun) is good enough when I'm outside of home. NO ONE can prove anything I have seen through those wonderful binoculars I have owned over the years.

Be careful what you wish for, Joe.

Having said that, I will now go ahead and remind you of one good use of technology for my purposes. Just like I have in the book.

A cell phone is often the perfect "excuse" in public to get a good look at a hottie in many situations. For example, in the book I talk about the time I was standing on a train aisle and "just happened" to be slightly behind a babe wearing a loose fitting top and no bra. Yet, other passengers could see me if I was blatantly looking there, and that could have been trouble. So, I pulled out my trusty cell phone, opened it, and appeared to be typing a text message. I "just happened" to be holding the phone at arm's length, with the arm pointed in her general direction. I kept an expression on my face as if I was aggravated about something while texting.

Yet, the entire 2 minutes or so I appeared to be texting were actually spent looking right down that top, and as the hottie moved a bit and then stroked her hair a couple of times, I got to see all the way past her right nipple. And my cell phone was not even on!!

With the noise of the train moving along, I probably could have snapped a very choice photo of her. But then there would have been "evidence". So I knew not to, and did what I had to do to seize and enjoy the moment.

That is how you use technology. Even though I actually didn't use it.

And no one who was on that train knows I did anything I wasn't supposed to. If the babe had looked up, she would have seen some old guy trying to text and not been alarmed. And she had nice boobies, too. I'd say 34B.

Please, Joe, keep this in mind. Hide the camera, and only see for yourself. The only technology you really need is an MP3 or CD player to hear the audio book!!

Questions and comments from readers and listeners of "Total Creep - A Guy's Guide" are welcome at at, or via .

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